No Elvis, Beatles or The Rolling Stones...

Is it just me or is this years Glastonbury line up one of the most dispiriting line ups at a festival ever? Bruce Springsteen, Neil Young, Tony Christie, Status Quo, Tom Jones, Crosby Still and Nash, Bjorn Again and Spinal Tap (that joke isn't funny anymore) sound more like residents at a retirement home for ageing rockers. Even bands that the Devil loves such as Madness and the Specials are little more than interesting archaeological exhibits.

This is not even Dad rock this is Grandad rock, pension rock, fossil rock. Next year you'll probably need a degree in paleontology to even be on the shortlist for a ticket! It looks like Michael Eavis's fantasy line up which may be great for him but he's in his 70s for christ sake and this is 2009!

Admittedly on the other stages you can still get to see exciting, cutting edge and YOUNG bands but why aren't some of these bands headlining? Why not set up a small stage where the kids can leave their dads to wallow in nostalgia and have their mid life crisis in the company of fellow oldies? Nostalgia has it's place in the music industry but when it becomes the industry it's doomed.

Maybe this years Glastonbury line up will stir something in the youth of Britain to create a new movement that washes away fossil rock but don't bank on it.

Without a revolution next year's Glastonbury headliners could look something like this...

Friday - Pyramid Stage Headliner

Don't miss his first ever appearance at a UK festival it's The Boss of the classics himself...

Beethoven









Saturday - Pyramid Stage Headliner

Pack up your troubles in your old kit bag it's the one and only...

Dame Vera Lynn









Sunday -

He's been released and he's here for the last waltz, yes it's the lizard of lounge himself...









Engelbert Humperdinck


If this distopian vision of the future of Glastonbury fills you with fear then get angry, rise up, kick over the jams, frighten the oldies and

For those of you who aren't yet angry enough tell the Eavis's (you can contact them through this site http://www.glastonburyfestivals.co.uk/contact-us/ )that this should be history and then form your own band...


Bruce Springsteen
Badlands